I Have A Problem.

I think I know what my problem is.

Oh, I know I have plenty of problems. Everyone does, I'm not perfect. But I have one big problem that came to me while riding home on the bus back from New York (this is what happens when a certain someone perpetually - and sometimes purposefully - forgets her iPod during long trips).

I think I take on too many things at once. I always feel the need to do everything, meet everyone, sign up for this and that, and a couple more. As of right now, I am technically holding 3 different jobs. And I'm in that awkward phase, where one job is almost close to ending and another one is about to start, but that boss decided to have me come in a couple of days before my official start date, and the first job hasn't actually ended yet, and on top of that, the third job is in the same situation as the first job. Got all that? You'd think that, on the bright side, I'd be getting paid a lot, but I also tend to spontaneously shop. Last time I checked, shopping more than you get paid each week is the equivalent of eating a whole cheesecake after exercising. Let alone, one of the jobs doesn't even pay me (thankfully, that one is ending soon).

Not that I haven't been notified of this problem before. My mom takes it upon herself to remind me that I try to do too many things every time I want to do something that is a little off of the beaten track. Like...go to a concert. Oh, God forbid! Too much, too much!

But now, I've realized it for myself, and although she does take it to the extreme, my mom is not completely wrong. Just this week, I agreed to work 2 days at my new job "to get used to it before fall" (scheduled around my current work schedule at my current job), agreed to help a new friend out on a low-budget indie flick she's producing, tried to find a good to transport myself from work (which ends at 6), to home (time = 1 hour), to a friend's house (who lives over an hour away) for a sleepover at a decent time, but on a day that wouldn't conflict with my new work schedule, and with tentative plans to see a movie with another friend.

I wish there were a better way to word that last paragraph so it sounds less confusing, but that's exactly how I see it.

There are more things, but these are the ones that I have brought upon myself (first step in removing a problem - admitting you have created the problem). It's not that I don't try to fix anything. I'm smart enough to know that if you can't do something, you have to let it go, but not smart enough to realize this before actually making the plan. I guess I just can't say "no". Everything I forgo doing, I feel like I've missed an opportunity. Like how the first publishers to turn down JK Rowling probably feel right now. Regret.

Isn't it a saying though? That you shouldn't regret the things you do, but the things that you didn't do? Like turning down interviews to companies that really interest you, because you already accepted something else before this offer came up, so you weren't going to consider them anyway. On top of that, they don't pay. But don't worry, they have a fancy name to make up for it - an internship. Thank you for luring me in with your big offices and big names, I appreciate it.

I'm sure there is some psychological explanation behind it. Even when it comes to throwing away things in my room, I have doubt. What if I need it later? What if I'm in a crisis, and the one thing I need, I've thrown away? Regret, regret, regret. I know not being able to meet friends for sleepovers is not that big of a deal, but this is bigger than that. I don't want to go through life regretting the things I didn't do. I just want to do everything, so there will be nothing left to regret. Is that so crazy? To want to die happy and content with my life, with no regrets?

Okay, I'm starting to sound like some sappy mother from one of those Indian soap operas my mom watches. Excluding the depressing violin playing in the background, it's all true. Regret is overrated. You know what? I don't have a problem, it's man who has a problem for creating only 24 hours in day. What were we thinking?!?